Portraits of the Patriarchy
Father Time examines the progressive shift in modern fatherhood
Part 4
Fathers of daughters say their little girls are quick to listen to their daddies. There doesn’t appear to be too much of a fight when asking to do simple things like put toys away or get ready for bed. This is, of course, is based on a small sample of fathers in my immediate circle.
As the father of two boys, I’m often comparing my home to a little frat house where the bros run wild right up until lights out. Small battles rage every ten minutes or so, and positioning for dominance is quite evident when tensions are high. Is it just me, or do boys have an ingrained tendency toward headstrong, forceful, brash, and competitive behavior?
Maybe.
If anything, understanding their behavior always reveals a lesson for me. Most recently, it’s been one of surrender. Letting them determine the plan of action versus me forcing it. Besides, it’s damn near impossible when their favorite response to Dad trying to help in any way is, “I’ll do it myself.”
A few nights ago, Big Bro put up a sudden and fierce protest against me putting him to bed. I’ve been on bedtime duty since my guys were born, and so his resistance to my ushering him into pajamas and then off Dreamland wrecked me. In my constant quest to adjust my own attitude, I kept calm, carried on, and put Little Bro to bed as normal. He’s still an ally. For now.
I came back downstairs, chatted with my wife, then went about some other household duties. My wife, in efforts to discipline his behavior, was regularly adding checks to Big Bro’s Bad Boy column, a newly-launched tally system. I had tried something like that a while back to no avail.
After about 20 minutes, Big Bro marches upstairs as though nothing had happened. He was ready to be put to bed, and so we proceeded, business as usual.
By letting the kid cool off on his own, I was able to do the same. We reconnected when he was ready. His terms. It was flowing with the river versus bending it. Father knew best, right?
I actually found out later that one more mark on the Bad Boy column and he was getting a toy taken away. He promptly went upstairs upon learning that. Turns out Mommy’s check mark method was more effective than we thought.
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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash
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